He Likes Who?
by Serenity Blossom
Summary: Everyone enjoys a good ol parchment survey. Just be sure it doesn’t fall into the wrong hands, or in James Potter’s case, anyone’s hands. Insanity insues as the Marauders try to play matchmaker.
1. Surprise!

**He Likes Who!**

Summery: _Ah, the internet survey. Truly priceless. But of course, in the day of the Marauders, there were parchment surveys. Just be sure it doesn't fall into the wrong hands, or in James Potter's case, anyone's hands._

-

Contrary to popular belief, the Marauders did not know about James' secret love for a certain red-haired beauty. In fact, they had absolutely no clue about his crush, and they were fairly certain he was in love with Elizabeth Farr.

Elizabeth was a short, curvy brunette with bright hazel eyes and a megawatt smile. She was a fifth year, only a year younger then the boys themselves. Elizabeth was a talker, and James never seemed to mind listening to her. They often did homework together and even went to Hogsmade together once.

So you can about imagine the shock of Sirius, Remus, and Peter when they found the survey that led them to the truth, and of course, the boys had to do something about it.

-

It all started one autumn day in the late afternoon. Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew entered the boys' dormitory and came across an open parchment lying on James' bed. It was engraved with the large bold letters **Tell Me About You** across the top.

"Merlin's beard! Do you boys know what this is!" Sirius nearly shouted as soon as he spotted the parchment. His grey eyes lit up with excitement and his mouth formed into a crooked smile.

"No Sirius we have no idea what that is, enlighten us." Remus Lupin stated sarcastically, clearly not interested in the piece of paper. He continued to search through his truck from something as Peter stayed in the doorframe, looking like quite the outcast.

"Don't you know what this is! This, this little parchment," Sirius waved the paper wildly in the air, and then shoved it in Remus' face. "This, my fine fellows, is a 'Tell Me about You' survey from Zonko's Joke Shop!"

"A what?" Peter asked curiously. He started to walk towards James' bed, as did Remus.

"A 'Tell Me about You' survey! Questions appear and you write your answers down, and at the end it tells you something quirky about yourself." Sirius stated, sounding very intelligent.

"And why exactly would Zonko's carry this? I see nothing funny about that." Remus said, looking the parchment up and down.

"Well if you would let me finish! After you're done, it seems to just disappear. But that's the joke! It doesn't! All someone needs to do is say 'Let me read about…' and then it will show all their answers, which can get pretty personal!" Sirius stated, still seeming very happy with his discovery.

"I still don't think that's very funny." Remus spoke to Sirius.

"I agree with Moony. I don't see the fun of it. Plus, don't you think James will get mad if we read this?" Peter said softly, with playing with his fingernails.

"Are you boys bloody daft! This is the greatest thing ever! This will tell us everything and anything we ever needed to know about the one and only James Potter! This is amazing!" Sirius said, jumping on the bed to exaggerate his point.

"Sirius Black, get down from there! If this is so bloody amazing, show us already!" Remus scolded Sirius, the seated himself on the ground. Peter followed, then Sirius. They all sat in a circle, with the survey in the center.

"Well here it goes! Tell me about James." Sirius stated. The parchment glowed bright blue for a moment, then grew extensively long, and questions with answers appeared in neat column. The blue glow faded, and the boys stared amazed.

"Since when where surveys so cool?" Remus asked, staring at the paper.

"I dunno." Sirius replied. He then eyes Peter, who was poking the paper over and over. "Peter?"

"Yes." He replied. He then shook his dirty light brown hair and itched his ear.

"What exactly is wrong with you?"

"Huh?"

"Oh never mind!"

"Guys, let's read this and get it over with already!" Remus said exasperated.

"Alrighty then, let's read this baby!" Sirius said and began to read the survey very intensely.

What's your name?

_James Charlus Potter_

"Did you guys know his middle name was Charlus?" Remus asked, looking at Sirius and Peter.

"Nope, I always thought it was Matthew." Sirius replied.

"Yeah, me too." Peter agreed.

Do you like your name?

_Sure. Better then, let's say Bruno or something._

"Bruno?" Remus asked with a laugh.

"What's wrong with Bruno! I think I'll name my kid Bruno just to show him it's a fantastic name!" Sirius stated, crossing his arms with a scowl on his face.

"Alrighty then Padfoot. Whatever you say, whatever you say." Remus replied, trying to hide his laugh the best he could.

What name would you rather have?

_I think I'll keep mine, it's been working for sixteen years._

Birthplace?

_London_

Current Location?

_Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_

Eye Color?

_Hazel_

Hair Color?

_Black_

Height?

_5'10"_

Right Handed or Left Handed?

_Right hand._

What's Your Heritage?

_Pureblood_

The Shoes You Wore Today?

_Black shoes_

Your Weakness?

_Pretty girls_

Your Fears?

_Failing at everything_

"Failing? And here I thought he had a thing with giants." Sirius stated, while Peter laughed hysterically, obviously thinking Sirius was kidding.

Goal you would like to achieve this year? 

_Quidditch Cup_

What are your thoughts first thing in the morning?

_Another bloody day of school, how fantastic._

What's your best physical feature? 

_My abs, what can I say? The chicks dig 'um. _

"Cocky much?" Remus asked, shaking his head.

Do you Smoke?

_Well, not really._

Do you swear?

_Bloody hell! Why would anyone swear!_

Do you sing?

_In the shower, it's great to see the faces of the boys when I'm done; they think I've gone mental._

"He has no idea how horrible he is! Honestly! I sometimes wonder if he is mental." Sirius stated, waving his hands above his head.

"He is really bad." Peter said quietly.

Do you Shower Daily: 

_Yes, several times a day sometimes._

Have you been in Love? 

_Yes, with my broomstick, and the girls. Gotta love 'um. _

"His broomstick, eh?" Sirius snickered.

"Sirius Black! You perverted little boy, he means his broom you daft thing!" Remus scolded, with a slight blush on his cheeks. Peter just sat there, laughing to himself and still playing with his fingernails.

Do you want to get married?

_Yes_

Do you believe in yourself?

_Yes I do!_

Do you get Motion Sickness?

_A chaser? Get motion sickness? I don't think so!_

Do you think you are Attractive?

_Oh yes I do! And so does the entire female population of Hogwarts. I'm fairly certain even the professors think I'm sexy._

"The professors? I highly doubt that." Remus said, raising his eyebrow.

"Well,Professor Sinistra does stare at him a lot you know." Sirius informed Remus, who looked quite disturbed at the statement.

"What's her name again? Isn't it like, Ashley? She's pretty young right?" Peter asked.

"It's Aurora. And she's around 27." Remus replied curtly.

"Oh, how do you know?"

"I read."

"Oh."

Bit of an ego, eh? 

_Well, what's wrong with that?_

Do you get along with your Parents?

_Yeah, we're tight!_

Do you like Thunderstorms?

_Yeah, unless they cancel Quidditch games because of them._

Chocolate or Vanilla?

_Vanilla smells better, chocolate tastes better._

Cappuccino or Coffee:

_Coffee_

Hot tub or pool?

_What? Well, I dunno._

Are you sure?

_Uh, yeah I'm sure._

Shower or bath?

_Shower, but a bath is nice every now and then._

Manicure or pedicure?

_A what?_

It's a girl thing.

_Oh, okay._

What's your shoe size?

_14_

"Whoa boys, size 14!" Sirius said loudly, snickering a bit.

"He's got big feet. I wear 8." Peter said quietly, not really getting the joke.

"Hah, I'm sorry mate. I'm a size 12." Remus said, apologizing to the confused Peter.

"Me too!" Stated Sirius.

"What? I'm confused." Peter said with a puzzled look on his face.

"Well, you know what they say about big feet…"

"Big shoes?" Peter asked very seriously.

Remus' blue eyes sparkled with laughter as he burst out in a fit of laughs. Sirius also was laughing, snorting occasionally. Peter sat embarrassed, fiddling with his shoes.

How many pairs of shoes do you own?

_About four, does anyone really need more then that?_

Favorite type of music?

_The popular stuff, I 'spose_

Who's your best friend?

_Sirius is, and then of course Remus, oh, and Peter._

"Awe. Remind me to give him a hug next time we see him." Sirius said, laughing a bit. Peter sat a bit sadden with the fact his name was last.

What's your favorite Holiday?

_My birthday_

What month's your birthday in?

_March 11th. Only a day younger then Remus!_

"I love to remind him I'm older!" Remus smiled.

What month would you like it to be in?

_March_

Dream animal?

_Stag_

"Wow, what a shocker." Sirius said sarcastically.

"No it's not." Said Peter.

"He was kidding Worm." Remus said to Peter then glanced at Sirius who was mocking Peter by playing with his nails, then his shoes. Remus tried his best to stifle his laughter while Peter sat oblivious to the mocking going on beside him.

France or Rome?

_France._

Favorite cough drops?

_I like the cherry-lemon ones from Honeydukes._

Black or Green?

_Green, like Lily's eyes_

"Like Lily's eyes! What! He has seriously gone mental! Why on earth does he like that little nark's eyes!" Sirius shouted. His face turned a bright red color and he tightened his fists. You could certainly tell he did not enjoy Lily's company very much.

"Lily? Lily Evans? I thought he hated her." Peter said.

"He has some explaining to do." Remus stated, and then stared at the parchment seriously.

Are you photogenic?

_Of course, I'm ravishingly handsome. Kidding, sort of._

Speaking of, are you a bit cocky?

_Well..._

I'll take that as a yes.

_Okay then. _

Owl or Toad?

_Owls, Toads are morons._

Seeker or Chaser?

_I'm a bloody amazing chaser._

Favorite sport?

_That's a no brainer, Quidditch._

Belt or no belt?

_Belt, I think._

Snow or Rain?

_Rain, Snow's too cold._

Where do you want your first job to be at?

_Quality Quidditch Supplies_

What is your dream career?

_Professional Quidditch Player_

Who was your first Crush?

_Elizabeth Farr, I liked her when I was a second year and she was a first year._

"I knew it! I knew it! Remus, old friend! You owe me a galleon!" Sirius said excitedly.

"What? Why?" Remus asked puzzled.

"We made a bet! In our second year! Remember! And you said that Elizabeth said that Alice Lowe said that Frank Longbottom said that James said he liked Marissa Langie! So I had to pay you a galleon. So now the truth has come out! You little liar!" Sirius jumped up off the floor and demanded his money.

"I cannot believe you remember that." Remus said as he reached out a galleon from his trunk.

Peter sat there silently, counting on his fingers the process of which the fake information got to Sirius. He ended up giving in, and played with his fingernails a bit more.

How old were you?

_12_

Do you still like them?

_No. She's great in all. But I like someone else._

"What!" All three boys said at the same time, all equally shocked.

"I thought he was like in love with her!" Remus said loudly. Sirius sat still shocked, and Peter just played with his shoes with a puzzled look on his face.

"Who would he like?" Peter asked.

"You don't think…" Remus started.

"**No!** No way! Don't even think such a thing!" Sirius interrupted.

Do they know?

_Elizabeth? Or that someone else?_

Did that Elizabeth girl know?

_Elizabeth knew I liked her, she liked me too. We kissed in the prefect's bathroom, and to our horror the Head Boy was taking a bath. Needless to say, we received detentions._

"They what! Did you guys know about this!" Sirius asked, with a very surprised look on his face. Remus shook his head.

"I did, I asked him why he got detention that night, and he told me." Peter stated shyly.

"He told you? And not us! Why!" Remus and Sirius said at the same time both getting red in the face.

"You guys liked her too. Remember?" Peter said calmly.

"Oh yeah." Remus said sheepishly.

"Our bad." Sirius told Peter and then continued on reading the scroll.

What about that someone else?

_No. No one knows. And I like it that way._

Really?

_Yes._

Okay what ever you say.

_Okay?_

Would you rather have a brother or a sister?

_A brother. I'm an only child, well besides Sirius living with me._

"Hah, what can I say? I just brighten their household!" Remus just rolled his eyes at Sirius' statement and Peter let out a giggle.

Do you want kids?

_Yes, loads._

Loads?

_Yes. Loads._

Would you rather have a girl or boy?

_Some of each._

How many did you say you wanted again?

_Loads. Remember? _

Where do you want to live?

_London._

What famous person would you like to marry?

_Like, if I had to choose?_

Yes, if you had to choose.

_Gwendolyn Morgan, the Keeper for the Holyhead Harpies._

"She is pretty fine." The boys all nodded their heads in agreement.

She took one of these.

_She did?_

Yup. It was interesting. She has a thing for pickles.

_Really? That's…weird._

Sirius snickered at the statement, while Remus laughed, and Peter still sat confused.

"Why don't I get these things and you guys do?" Peter asked.

"Someday Wormy, someday you'll understand." Sirius replied.

Yes, it is. What's your favorite scent?

_Pumpkin pie_

Have you ever been in a sport?

_Yes._

What's your least favorite sport?

_I don't really like anything other then Quidditch._

Have you ever been in an accident?

_Several, some were pretty awesome too!_

Favorite time spent with friends?

_Pranking other students, it's always a blast._

"Yeah it is." Remus said, and the other boys agreed.

Would you rather in Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Slytherin, or Ravenclaw? 

_Gryffindor, forever and for always!_

Favorite Girl that you hang out with?

_Elizabeth, but I would love to hang out more with Lily._

"He wants to what!" Sirius yelled, jumping off the floor once again, shaking his fists and getting quite upset. "He wants to hang out with the nark! The snob! The single girl who ruins the majority of our brilliant plans!" Sirius stated as he paced around waving his hands wildly.

"This is so not cool." Remus stated as he motioned Sirius to sit down.

"We're going to need to ask him about this." Peter said calmly, still playing with his shoes.

Sirius finally calmed down enough to sit down, and continued to read with the rest of his friends.

Favorite boy that you hang out with?

_Sirius. But of course Remus too! Oh yeah, and Peter_.

What don't you like about you?

_I like myself._

What's your favorite thing about you?

_My hair, the chicks dig it._

Speaking of 'chicks'...Do you like short or tall girls?

_Shorter then me._

Do you want your girl to be jealous?

_No. Guys do not like jealous girls._

Thong or boy shorts?

_What do you think?_

Sirius snickered. Remus laughed. And poor 'ol Peter still sat confused.

Favorite girl scent?

_Lilies..._

"He has a fetish for all things Lily. This needs to stop!" Sirius yelled. Peter and Remus nodded in agreement.

Do you want your girl to have piercing?

_Maybe in the ears._

Do you like your girl to wear T-shirts or Tank Tops?

_Doesn't matter to me! They don't even have to wear a top!_

"Hah, I'm all for that!" They boys all laughed and quickly agreed with each other.

I bet you'd like that.

_Well…_

Skirts or Shorts?

_Like me and Sirius always say! 'Why look down when you can look up!'_

"Well what can I say? I speak the whole truth and nothin' but the truth!"

"You do?" Remus asked slyly.

"Well, when it comes to the female population."

Remus raised his eyebrow.

"Okay, okay! When it comes to scoping the female population! Better?"

"Yes, much better."

Would you rather your girl was cuddly or not?

_Cuddling is good, very good._

Do you and your friends do dumb things?

_Pfft no._

_Are you kidding me? Yes! What other kinds of things would we do!_

"No kidding. This parchment isn't very smart." Sirius stated, yawning a bit.

The paper glowed light blue again, and words began to appear.

I am too smart! How else would I know you like that Elizabeth girl still?

"What? How? Okay. You are freakin' me out!" Sirius said bewildered. Remus stared very surprised.

"You do?" Peter asked.

"Well, whatever. We have better things to do then talk about me!"

The parchment's blue color faded and James' survey reappeared.

What was your favorite grade?

_Fifth year was pretty sweet._

D.A.D.A. or Muggle Studies?

_Uh, Defense for sure._

Do you have a fear of public Speaking?

_No way. Bring it on!_

What's your best Christmas present?

_The best was my invisibility cloak from my dad. That thing is the greatest clothing item ever!_

Least Favorite teacher?

_I hate Slughorn. He likes Lily too much. She's mine. He needs to back off!_

"What is up with him and Lily! He's obsessed! Ah! This is not good!"

"This is so not cool."

"This is bad. Very bad."

OoOoOkay then, take a chill pill.

_A what?_

Never mind.

_Um, okay then._

Have you ever broken your nose?

_Yes, three times._

Who broke it?

_Well, first time I fell off a broom. The second Sirius punched me, and the third I fell off a bridge, it was great fun._

"Yeah I did. And I'll break it again if he keeps talking about Lily!"

"I totally give you permission."

"Yeah, go ahead."

I bet.

_Oh yeah, loads._

You like the word 'loads'.

_Yup, loads._

"He does say 'loads' a lot, doesn't he?" Remus asked. They boys nodded their heads.

Okay then. I don't think I like you very much.

_Well I don't really care; I could set you on fire if I felt like it._

Have you ever snuck out?

_Nice subject change. But anyways, who hasn't?_

What's the longest you've ever been grounded?

_Well, my dad said forever, but it ended up being like a week._

Have you ever failed a grade?

_No._

Easiest Class?

_Transfiguration, I have a knack for that._

Needles or spiders?

_Neither, I hate both._

Pajamas or not?

_Not. I like to sleep in the nude._

"Okay, did not need to know that."

"Ew and we have to share a room with him! What if there was a fire! And he jumped out of bed! We'd all be blinded!"

"But wouldn't we just use a spell and put the fire out?"

"That's not the point!"

"It's not?"

"Seriously kid, what is wrong with you?"

"I dunno."

Favorite Sweets?

_Chocolate Frogs._

Do ever get home sick?

_Sometimes. But Hogwarts is like home, so not very often._

Worst Day ever?

_Let's just say it was bad._

Toast or Cereal?

_Uh, toast?_

Sounds good to me.

_Alright._

Any last thoughts?

_What's my quirk?_

Ah. Well you seem to be overly obsessed with that Lily girl. I'm pretty sure you live, eat, and breathe all things Lily. You need therapy, badly. And may I also suggest that you tell someone, before you burst.

_What! How...But...Okay, you were worth the 2 Galleons I paid for you._

**"He likes who!"**

"Holy shit!"

"Whoa, that's bad."

**"JAMES POTTER! YOU ARE SO DEAD!"**

"Sirius! Calm down! Breathe!"

"He's madly in love with Lily? Lily Evans?"

Sirius was pacing all over the room again, swearing under his breathe and occasionally throwing something. His obvious dislike of Lily was getting the best of him.

Peter and Remus still sat seated on the floor, still reading the survey.

Thank you. Glad I could help. Oh, one last thought. 

_Yes?_

You need to lay off the word 'loads'. I'm pretty sure it annoys people.

**The Survey is now finished. Thanks for your business! -Zonko's **

The survey glowed light blow once again this time as the color faded so did the words. The parchment rolled itself up into a neat little scroll and flowed gracefully up back on James' bed.

By this time all the boys were now standing. Sirius was furious, and Remus was quite upset. Peter seemed troubled.

"This is not cool." Remus finally said, ending the awkward silence.

"Totally not cool! Doesn't he get it that she's the one whose life's mission is to make sure we rot in detention!" Sirius said deafeningly.

"Guys, James is our best friend right?" Peter began to speak causing both Remus and Sirius to give him fill attention. "Shouldn't we be trying to help him get the girl of his dreams, and not be sitting here saying how much we dislike her?"

"Wow Wormy, that was deep." Sirius started.

"Thank you ver…"

"And very stupid! Why on earth would we want those two together! It would be like hell, living breathing red-haired hell!"

"Sirius settle down! Peter is right, even though it pains me to admit it, but we should be trying to help James out here!" Remus interrupted taking up Peter's defense.

"No! Absolutely not!"

"I'll make sure you get a date with Elizabeth."

"No way I am not helping…wait, what did you say?"

"You heard me."

"Seriously, no joke?"

"Nope, no joke."

"Well bloody hell mates what are we waiting for! We've got a wedding to plan!"

The boys laughed together as they left the room, heading for the library to start their scheming to make sure James got the girl of his dreams.

You see now, that's how the boys found out about James' undying love for Lily Evans. And you also saw the beginning of the most hilarious and entertaining match making scheme known to Hogwarts. Little did Sirius, Remus, and Peter know that they were about to make Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry history.

-

There it is! That was the first chapter of many, well hopefully anyway. I am known for my lack of updates. Oh dear. Haha, don't worry I adore this plot and I plan on making it a priority. Hope you enjoyed!


	2. Operation Stag and Bitch

Here it is! Enjoy. Oh yes, sorry for the shortness!

-

"Damnit!"

"Whose bloody idea was this?"

"Ow, someone just stepped on my toes."

"Get over it! _Bloody hell! _Who just smacked my ass!"

"Honestly! Whose idea was this?"

"Who keeps grabbing my ass!"

"Oh! That's your butt?"

"No shit Sherlock! What did you think it was?"

"Who's Sherlock?"

"Oh for Merlin's sake!"

"For the last time whose idea was this!"

"It was your brilliant idea!"

"Really, are you sure? Oh yeah it was! Ha ha, my bad?"

"Someone keeps stepping on my toes!"

"Shut up, both of you! They'll know we're in here!"

The one and only Marauders (Minus James Potter) were all stuffed into a storage cupboard in the library. It was all part of their ingenious plot to set Lily "Red-headed nark from hell" Evans and James "Famed leader of the Marauders who should not be in love with the red-headed nark from hell" Potter.

In the words of Sirius Black you may have been able to tell of his incredible dislike (which is currently border lining hate) for Lily Evans. He is in loathe with Lily because she was able to single handily destroy most of Sirius' clever pranking plots. She has given or assisted in landing Sirius a record of 585 detentions over the past six years.

The only reason Sirius has conjured up the 'Operation Stag and Bitch', which he has so kindly named it, was to gain a single date with Elizabeth Farr. She was in his crush and has been for the past five years. If it weren't for his promised date by Remus; Sirius would be doing everything in his abilities to destroy any possibly of James and Lily being together.

Another member of 'Operation Stag and Bitch' was Remus Lupin. He also shared a dislike to Lily, having to have to join Sirius in 396 of the detentions she helped to hand out. But his motives were less selfish than Sirius'. He was in the plot to help his best friend get the girl of his dreams.

The final member to 'Operation Stag and Bitch' was Peter Pettigrew. He was mostly there because he was pretty much a lackey. He was in no way helping out their cause. Peter disliked Lily also, but the reasons are unknown. One may presume it was because she called him a "Filthy little rat" in their third year. That comment has since scarred Peter for life, leaving him a bit ill in the mind. He has had the luck of only serving 101 detentions, because who would believe Peter to be any form of a pranking mastermind?

"Oh for the love of Merlin! Can we _please_ get out of here!"

"No we cannot! James and Lily haven't come yet!"

"Moony, how can you be sure they'll be here?"

"Well, um, you see, oh well honestly I have no idea!"

"Excuse me! You mean to tell me I have been trapped in a bloody closet because you **thought** that they would come! You mean to tell me I have been practically raped by Worm for a thought? That's it! I am out of here!"

At the exact moment Sirius decided he should leave the mission, Lily and James entered the library. They were carrying quite a load of parchment, quills, their Charms books, and some bags of snacks.

Sirius gasped slightly and cursed mentally. Lily and James both noticed him exiting the closest and James instantly waved. Sirius waved back and let out a cheesy laugh. Lily and James placed their load of homework supplies on the nearest open table.

Remus soon strolled out fixing his tie saying to Sirius "Honesty Padfoot! You didn't need to leave just because your ass was getting grabbed! I mean we were getting so close to the completion of…well you know what!" The color drained from Sirius face as he processed what Remus had just spoken. Sirius understood what it meant. Lily and James, however, did not.

James' mouth was open with his eyes wide in shock. He was trying to speak but nothing seemed to come out. Lily on the other hand was snickering and was carrying a mischievous grin.

"Oh bloody hell." Remus stated after realized what he had said and who had heard.

"Nice going Moony!" Sirius whispered angrily, "Now they think we are shagging in the library!"

At the worst moment ever Peter popped out saying happily, "Wow that was great fun! Can we do it again? Please Remus! Oh Sirius next time I'll try to be more careful were I put my hands!"

If even possible James' eyes widened even more along with Lily's grin widening.

"Oh! Hello Lily. Hello James! Wow Moony you were right! They did show up!" Peter exclaimed waving at the pair across the room from him.

"Excuse me?" Lily asked glaring at Peter.

"Oh Lily I'm so sorry! I didn't want to, I really didn't! Remus and Peter wanted to hex you while you and James studied. He's still mad about that day in Potions last week. I'm so ashamed!" Sirius exclaimed loudly forcing himself to cry to gain the pity of Lily. "Guys let's go. I just can't stand to be around her now that she knows!"

Sirius rushed out of the library pretending to be highly distressed. Remus snorted and strolled after, still laughing at Sirius' dramatic act. Peter stood confused for awhile and didn't leave until several minutes had passed.

"Do you have any idea what just happened here?" Lily asked James, turning to look at him.

"Not a clue Lily. All though I'm afraid to admit my best mates just might be gay." James sat down and buried his head in his hands. Lily sat down beside him to comfort him, trying to hide her laughter the best she could.

-

"This is just great! Now they think we're gay!" Sirius exclaimed as soon as they left the library corridor.

"Why would they think that?" Peter stopped walking as he asked.

Remus looked over his shoulder and shook his head. "Just never mind it Peter, if you don't get it now you won't ever."

"Please tell me!" Peter said loudly still standing in the same place.

"We were in a closet together, we said some incriminating things, trust us Peter. It appeared as if we were gay." Sirius stated as he and Remus continued to walk away from their scrawny friend.

"Oh, well that's a bummer." Peter stated thoughtfully.

Remus and Sirius shared a glance of pure annoyance as they walked further away from the last member of The Marauders.

"This is not going to be as easy as I thought it would." Remus said to Sirius as they turned a corner.

"Remus old chap, I do believe it's time to bring in the big guns." Sirius replied, changing directions in the corridor.

"Sirius, no."

Sirius laughed as he headed towards a very familiar Gargoyle statue.

"It's still Lemondrops right Remus?"

Operation Stag and Bitch had just reached a completely new level. One that no one would ever see coming.


	3. Well You See Mr D

"So, Mr. Black, you want me to do what exactly?" Professor Dumbledore asked Sirius, while offering a lemon drop to his pupil.

"Well you see Mr. D, James and Lily need to get together. Don't you agree?" Sirius replied while popping a lemon drop into his mouth and leaning back in the high leather back chair he was seated in opposite Dumbledore.

"You think so Mr. Black? And here I thought they were quite in loathe with one another." Dumbledore stated, rising his eyebrows, mentally quizzing the young man.

"Oh man Mr. D! How could you not see? They are covering up their heated passion for one another by using hateful words, it's so tragic. We must help these poor, poor souls!"

Dumbledore let out a chuckle at the obviously fake emotion Sirius was trying to convey. "You know what, Mr. Black? I do believe I will help you with your little ploy, on one condition."

"Right on! Wait… what's the condition?" Sirius replied.

"Nothing too complicated Mr. Black. You just need to pass all your classes this semester." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled with mischievousness. "That's a fair deal is it not?"

Sirius eyes grew large and his mouth opened slightly. His breathing slowed and his mind raced. "Um, yeah yeah, sure… I can pass my classes no problem. Yeah, uh yeah, I think I better go now. Talk to ya later Mr. D."

Sirius bolted from Dumbledore's office in horror. The thought of actually doing his homework was more terrifying then any evil creature you could ever come upon. So this was the moment Sirius decided James owed him a life debt and about twenty Butterbeers.

-

"He said what?!" Remus shouted when Sirius returned to the common room, nearly in tears.

"I…I have to, to pass my classes! I have to do, do, do my…_homework_." Sirius stated, whispering homework so quietly Remus could barely understand him.

Remus stared blankly at Sirius for several moments, then bursted out in uncontrollable laughter. He rolled off the sofa, landed on the floor, and rolled around for about ten minutes.

Sirius glared at Remus as he was laughing. He was scowling, and kept repeating "It's not funny…" over and over until Remus was finally able to crawl back onto the sofa.

"It's not funny?! Sirius! You're almost crying because you don't want to do your homework. It's not that awful! Dumbledore could have told you that you had to sleep in the Forbidden Forest for a week or…"

"Oh! But that would have been so much better, because sleeping in the Forbidden Forest wouldn't have ruined my social life!" Sirius interrupted. "Wait. That would ruin my social life too. Arg!"

"Well you know I hear there's some mighty fine looking female centaurs in the Forest…" Remus giggled, yes giggled, as he spoke to Sirius.

"Ha ha ha, wow you're funny. Not." Sirius stated, glaring at Remus. If only looks could kill.

-

Sirius strolled into Transfiguration, early. It was the apocalypse.

Professor McGonagall could not believe her eyes. Even the nerds were shocked as well. Not only did he come early, he sat front row center. Sirius did not sit front row center. Ever.

It took several minutes before anyone reacted. The awkward silence was more than McGonagall could bear. "Sirius, what did you need?"

"Professor McG, I'm here, for class…" Sirius could barely choke out his reply.

"Class doesn't start for another 10 minutes…"

"I know… I wanted to get here early… to study…" Sirius managed to say.

Professor McGonagall's eyes widened. Her mouth was askew, shock clearly written on her face. "Mr. Black! Since when have you had any desire to study?! Is this some sick joke?! I'm too old for this young man!"

Sirius bowed his head in shame. "This is no joke ma'am. I'm sad to say I've decided to change my ways." His eyes met hers. "Now, I have a question on page 102. Could you help me please?"

Professor McGonagall couldn't take it. She fell over in shock. Class ended before it even started that day.

-

"Remus! I can't take this anymore! I've done all my homework this week AND I sent a teacher to the Hospital Wing! Mr. D has gone too far!"

Remus and Sirius were lounging in the Common Room. It was empty, everyone else was in Hogsmade. The boys decided to stay behind and do some 'Operation Stag and Bitch' planning.

"Sirius, honestly, it's not that difficult. Just do your homework, pass your classes, and Mr. Dumbledore will help us with whatever we need. Think about James' happiness!" Remus replied.

"I don't give a damn about his happiness at this moment! This is ruining my life. RUINING MY LIFE. I cannot believe I'm doing this! I don't even like the bitch! And yet, here I am, RUNING MY LIFE to give him happiness! With a bitch! Arg! Remus, I can't take this!"

"Stop calling Lily a bitch!"

"Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, BITCH!"

"Sirius, stop it!"

"Easy for you to say Remus, this isn't RUINING YOUR LIFE!"

"Sirius Black!"

"Remus fucking Lupin."

"Sirius!"

"Remus."

**"Sirius, step away from the window ledge."**

"No."

"Sirius… I will not allow you to throw yourself out the window."

"You don't understand!" Sirus whined. "I'm doing my bloody homework! I'm paying attention in class! Damnit Remus, I have wonderful bloody grades! I HAVE GOOD GRADES! That's it! I'm jumping and there's nothing anyone can do to stop it! Not you, not anyone. Goodbye cruel world."

"Sirius! What on earth are you doing?!"

"Elizabeth!" Remus and Sirius both said at the same moment.

"Sirius, _darling_, please get off the ledge. Whatever is the matter, I'm sure we can work it out, I'm here for you! Please, please get down." Elizabeth pleaded with Sirius. Her large hazel eyes were brimming with tears.

"Well… I suppose… if you promise to help… I could step down?" Sirius said, slowing moving off the window. He snuck a glace at Remus and winked. "Oh Elizabeth!" He fell into her arms and she quickly pulled him onto the large red sofa. "You've saved me!"

Elizabeth held Sirius in her arms, giving him comforting words. In all honesty, Sirius was never planning on killing himself; he's simply one for dramatics.

Remus scowled and stomped out of the room. He ran into his returning classmates from Hogsmade. Remus made his way through the crowd, bumping into James and Peter.

"Where's Sirius?" They asked.

"Giving his Oscar speech." Remus spat.

James and Peter looked at Remus with bewildered looks, watching him stomp off onto the grounds. They shared a glance, shrugged, and headed to the common room.


	4. Remus Lupin: Slacker?

"Let me get this straight Mr. Lupin… you want me to do what exactly?" Professor Dumbledore asked Remus, who was seated directly across him.

"Mr. Dumbledore, James and Lily need to get together and fast. I can't handle this pressure any longer!" Remus exclaimed, popping several lemon drops in his mouth, eyes twitching.

"I can see that Mr. Lupin, you seem… stressed." Dumbledore stated, raising his eyebrows, staring down the young student.

"You have no idea! Sirius faked an attempted suicide! I haven't seen Peter in days. I'm writing more extra credit papers than I can handle, and I'm not enjoying it! Professor Dumbledore! I love extra credit papers!" Remus screamed, randomly spitting lemon drops out with every statement.

Dumbledore's eyes widen a bit, realizing Remus' trouble. "So, plan Stag and Bitch isn't going very well?"

Remus gasped. The symbol for all things good had just cursed. "Professor, hush your tongue!"

Dumbledore chuckled. "I'm just repeating the name Mr. Black gave it. And I agree Mr. Lupin, it is highly inappropriate. But I expect no less from your comrade."

Remus just stared blankly at the professor. This plan was taking its mental toll on the young man.

"Well Mr. Lupin, I think I may be able to help. However, you must do something for me in exchange."

Remus' eyes grew large with glee. "Thank you Professor! Thank you! Anything, I'll do anything to get this over with!"

If only he knew what he was in for…

-

Remus sulked into Transfiguration, late. He sat down slowly and slumped into his seat. He pulled out his three foot long parchment, unfinished.

Professor McGonagall dropped the book she was holding. Her eyes widened. Her mouth was askew, shock clearly written on her face. "Mr. Lupin! You're…you're _late_! Oh dear Merlin! Your homework is…_incomplete!"_ She exclaimed in horror.

Remus twitched. It took every once of energy in his body to speak. "Yes professor. My homework isn't done, nor do I plan on finishing it." He had to spit the last statement out.

"Mr. Lupin! Are you alright?! Please tell me you're not feeling well."

"I'm one hundred percent well professor."

"No, no Mr. Lupin! There must be something wrong! You're my best student. My shining star! You're future is so bright. Mr. Lupin, what is wrong with you?!"

Remus bowed his head in shame. "I didn't want to do the assignment professor."

For the second time this week Professor McGonagall was rushed to the Hospital Wing. It would seem 'Operation Stag and Bitch' was not only affecting the Marauders, but their teachers as well.

-

"Sirius, I cannot stand this any longer. I haven't completed a single assignment this week!"

Remus and Sirius were lounging in the Common Room together as they normally did. It was empty once again, everyone else taking their apparition tests. Remus and Sirius, being the oldest in their class, had passed months ago.

"Remus, get a grip! The headmaster told you not to do your homework for awhile! Rejoice! This is the greatest thing to ever happen to a Marauder. If only it were me…"

"_THIS IS THE GREATEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME?!_ Sirius, have you lost your bloody mind?! My excellent grades are my most prized possession in life. This is the **worst** thing to ever happen, ever."

"Remus, stop complaining, now!"

"Don't tell me what to do!"

"I can tell you what to do if I want to Remus!"

"No you can't."

"Yes I can _Remus_."

"No you can't, _Sirius_."

"Remus Lupin."

"Sirius bloody Black."

"Remus, get off the damn window ledge!"

"No."

"For Merlin's sake Remus! Stop it!"

"You don't understand!" Remus whined. "I'm not doing my homework! I'm not paying attention in class! Damnit Sirius, I have awful bloody grades! I HAVE BAD GRADES! This is the last straw! I'm jumping and there's nothing anyone can do to stop it! Not you, not anyone. Goodbye cruel world."

"Remus! What on earth are you doing?!"

"Elizabeth!" Remus and Sirius both said at the same moment.

"Remus, honey, please get off the ledge. Whatever is the matter, I'm sure we can work it out, I'm here for you. Truly I am. I'm here for you, let's talk this out. Please, please get down." Elizabeth pleaded with Remus.

"Well… I suppose… if you promise to help… I could step down?" Remus said, slowing moving off the window. "You just won't understand. My life is horrible!"

"No, Remus, it's not! You've got tons of people who care for you, you've got your family, and you've got your amazing grades!" Elizabeth exclaimed.

Remus let out a sob at the mention of his grades. He began to get back on the window ledge.

Elizabeth jumped up on the ledge with Remus. "Don't do this Remus. If you jump, I jump. Do you want to be responsible for my death?"

"No." Remus grumbled.

"I didn't think so."

They both stepped off the ledge. "Let's go get some pumpkin juice from the kitchens and a bite to eat. We'll talk things out Remus."

With that they left the room leaving a dumbfound Sirius.

"Why does this feel so familiar? It's kind of like déjà vu."

He shrugged his shoulder and sat down on the window ledge. He scratched his head, trying to figure out exactly why this felt so familiar. No one ever said Sirius was a smart one…

-

Yes. I know. This is basically last chapter with some words changed. I admit it; I have horrid writer's block. Next chapter something will actually happen, promise.


	5. Good to be King

"Minerva, how are you feeling?"

"Albus! This is the second time this week I've been here. How do you think I feel?"

"Well I don't know… that's why I was asking you…"

Professor McGonagall let out a sigh. For being a brilliant wizard, Albus Dumbledore wasn't all that bright. We're all fairly convinced he was a blonde before the gray settled in.

Professor Dumbledore sat on the corner of McGonagall's hospital bed, gazing off into space. She was propped up with pillows watching the headmaster carefully. They sat together in silence for many hours simply enjoying each other's company. One would think they were a couple but one would think wrong. They have a strong kind of friendship that only gets deeper after every year they are with each other.

"Albus…" McGonagall finally broke the silence. "What exactly has gotten into Remus and Sirius? It's as if they switched roles in life. Remus became a slacker and Sirius was a serious student."

"Well there's a funny story for those answers Minerva." He smiled widely and his gray eyes sparkled with laughter. He continued to share with her the past couple of weeks giving her every detail of 'Operation Stag and Bitch'. She was thoroughly amused to say the least.

"Albus! You cannot mess with those poor boys! How exactly do you plan on helping them?"

"I was hoping you'd have some ideas actually…"

McGonagall smacked her forehead and let out an exasperated sigh. This was going to be a long night.

-

The common room filled up with students as the last class of the day had ended. It was bustling with the sound of teenagers gossiping, dinner plans being made, and of course, the Marauders joking around.

It was no secret to the Gryffindor house. They ruled the school. End of story. James Potter, Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin were gods. Peter Pettigrew was only a messenger to the gods, still respected, but not worshiped.

One did not mess with a Marauder. You would be knee deep in Pixies or waist high in dragon dung if you did. They were studs, they were pranksters, and they were cool. The guys wanted to be them and girls wanted to be with them. All in all, they were the Gods of Gryffindor. And they weren't going anywhere.

Remus Lupin, prefect, was the brilliant one. He was constantly disciplining his comrades and getting them out of trouble. Girls swoon over his golden brown curls and bright blue eyes. He was the nice boy you could bring home to mom; however most of the female population was sure there was a freak in him just waiting to come out. How knew how right they would turn out to be, eh?

Sirius Black, sex god. He waltzes around showing off his built body, firm abs, chiseled arms, and toned legs like he rules the joint. He'd flip his silky black hair and wink his stunning gray eyes at every girl he saw. He was the ultimate bad boy. He likes to live on the edge, going from one conquest to another. Sirius was a god, plain and simple.

James Potter, resident stud. There wasn't sport he couldn't play. He flew his broom like he was born riding it. He could maneuver through the sky like it was as easy as walking. He too could flip his shiny black hair and wink his hazel eyes just as well as Sirius, but James had his signature smile to go along with it. Don't be fooled, he was bad too. He has a bad habit of hexing anyone who annoys him, and trust us, he's skilled with his wand. In more ways then one if you get what we mean…

Finally, the messenger to the gods, Peter Pettigrew… He would do or say anything to be connected to powerful people. The Marauders were powerful people alright. He had no particular skill, besides constantly being by your side. Generally he wasn't well liked, but the Marauders accepted him so all of Gryffindor soon followed.

They were the kings of the castle, rulers of the keep. Only time will tell how well they can keep up with their reputations.

-

"Oh my God, Alice! Have you heard the big news yet??"

"Emmeline, what are you talking about? What big news?"

"I can't believe you haven't heard! Remus tried to throw himself out the window!"

"Oh my God! Wait. Didn't Sirius try that last week?"

"Yes! And Elizabeth is the one who stopped each of them!"

"Wow, she's so lucky."

"I know. I mean, wow, I'd like to save me some Marauder ass!"

"Emme! That's not very appropriate!"

"You were thinking it."

"But you said it!"

"Ladies, ladies. What's with all the commotion?"

Sirius strolled up to the bench were Alice Lowe and Emmeline Vance were seated. He squeezed between the two giggling girls stretching his arms around them.

"Well?" Sirus asked.

"We were just talking about how you almost threw yourself out a window!" Alice exclaimed, acting more concerned than she really was.

"Oh, ladies, there is no need to worry. That was a dark time in my life but I'm better now. Sirius Black isn't going anywhere."

"Oh good! We were so worried about you!" Emmeline said looking up at the young man seated beside her.

They continued to fawn over Sirius for several more hours. He just leaned back and soaked it all in. God, it was good to be king.

-

"Remus! Oh Remus!" A pretty young witch by the name of Marlene McKinnon cried out as she seated herself next to him at a library table.

Remus looked up from his Potions book. His blue knows noticed the concern in her eyes. He nibbled on a piece of chocolate before replying, "What's the matter Marlene?"

"Remus, are you okay? I heard about what happened, with the window and all, and I came as soon as I heard!"

"Oh, really, it's nothing. It was just a spur of the moment thing. Life seemed really tough yesterday…"

"Remus I'm so happy you didn't jump, I would have been devastated!" She exclaimed. She clutched his hands and stared into his eyes. "I'll always be here for you Remus, alright? If you ever need to talk just let me know."

They continued to talk in the library. Remus hardly got a word it however. Marlene was too busy gushing about how amazing Remus was. Damn, it was good to be king.

-

"James."

"Yeah Lily." James looked up from his Ancient Ruins homework at Lily.

"Have you heard about the whole window fiasco?" She asked as she sat down beside James. She leaned her head back against a tree and stared out at the Black Lake.

"Yeah, I have no idea what is up with them."

"I heard Sirius is doing his homework…"

"You think that's bad? Remus _isn't _doing his homework."

"What?!"

"I know right? I think we need to talk to them later or something. I'm kind of worried." James looked at Lily and she nodded. They sat together for awhile, neither having to speak. It was understood between them that something was going on, and they need to figure it out.

Lily placed her head on James' shoulder and watched him complete his essay. She fell asleep, curled up against his side. James smiled. Bloody hell, it was good to be king.

-

-

**A/N: I'm so sorry! This chapter is awfully boring. But I'm trying! Send me ideas if you've got any for me. 'Night darlings.**


	6. Area of Expertise

Two figures, clothed in all black, were crouched behind large wooden bookcases. Hundreds of faded red, brown, blue, green and every other color, size, and shape imaginable books lined the dusty shelves. They were hidden from plain view, but the sounds of their whispers were easily heard up close.

"Professor! I do not believe this is very ethical!"

"Oh Minerva darling, being adventurous requires no ethics…"

"Albus, this is not Mission: Impossible, this is interfering with our students' lives!"

"Shhh, they might hear us!"

It was dusk, the sun nearly set under the horizon. The sky was painted dark blue and pink, dusted with wispy gray clouds. The setting was perfect for a mid winter escapade. That was exactly what was happening on the grounds of Hogwarts tonight.

-

"Sirius, for the millionth time, what _exactly _did Dumbledore tell you?" Remus quizzed his friend as they scurried through the corridors rushing to get to their common room.

"He said to have Lily and James in the library at dusk. Trust me Remus there is no underlying message there. No code. No nada. We need to get Stag and Bitch to the library. Now would be desirable." The raven haired friend replied, taking a moment to look over his shoulder at an attractive blonde as they made their way around a corner.

"Alright, you're right, there's nothing else we need to do. Lily, James, library, dusk. Easy enough!"

"See Remus, I told you. Piece of cake."

"Hey, Sirius…"

"Yeah Moony?"

"How exactly are we getting them to the library?"

Sirius raised his eyebrow. "Don't look at me_, you're_ the smart one."

"SIRIUS!"

"I'm sorry! I figured you'd come up with a plan. The whole thinking thing has always been your area of expertise."

"You're impossible sometimes..."

They turned down another corridor and found themselves face to face with a pair of familiar faces.

"James! Lily! I was just coming to find you… We were wondering if you'd join us in the library this lovely evening. I hear 'Quidditch Trough the Ages' is back in!"

"Hello Sirius, Hi Remus, yeah that sounds good to me." James replied, looking beside him to Lily.

"Yeah sounds alright to me I guess." She replied, obviously confused.

They group made their way towards the library making awkward small talk as they went. Finally, after what seemed like years, they arrived.

Remus and Sirius exchanged looks, ushering the 'bait' into the large empty room.

"Wow looks as though no one's even here tonight…"Lily stated looking around the room which was empty, even missing its librarian.

"Well there is that big match on the radio today you know…" Sirius blurted out.

"There is?" James asked surprised. He would know if there was a Quidditch game on.

"Sirius, come here! I've found that book on Wild Red Fungus you were looking for!"

"…Oh! Oh yeah that's right. I'll be right there mate!"

Lily and James look at one another and silently spoke to each other. They laughed quietly and sat in a pair of dark red leather armchairs. Suddenly the lamps flickered. The flame of the fire was extinguished with a great burst of air.

"Remus? Sirius? This isn't funny!" Lily cried out.

"Yeah guys, cut it out!" James yelled.

"We agree, this is no laughing matter."

"Professor McGonagall?!"

"Indeed it is…"

"Professor Dumbledore?!"

"Yes, that's my name and don't wear it out!" Dumbledore chuckled, amused at his own joke.

"Professors what's going on?" Lily asked, shocked by the actions of her teachers.

"Well you see, well uhm, yeah, well, we need some help planning the Winter Wonderland Ball!" McGonagall bursted out very unsure of what she was saying.

"Winter Wonderland Ball Professor? I've never heard…"

"Miss Evans, I think that I would know what I was talking about!"

"I'm sorry Professor."

"Well yes, anyways, we've asked you to come here tonight and begin planning the ball. It's very important you devote every minute of your spare time to this matter!"

Lily and James exchanged looks, nodding to one another.

"Excellent! Well have fun kids!" Dumbledore said, smiling. He led McGonagall out of the library and waited till they were several yards away before he began talking again.

"Winter Wonderland Ball, Minerva?"

"I was stressed out! You know how I get when I'm put in stressful situations…"

"Well now that should be a treat for the students…"

"Yes, yes I suppose it will be."

"When exactly are we having this 'ball'?"

"Well I don't know! Making wild crazy little plans up has always been your area of expertise so I assumed you'd be able to work out the finer details of this little arrangement!" Minerva spit out, obviously frustrated with the events of the evening.

She stomped away, her long black robes trailing after her. Dumbledore stood and watched her walk away for sometime before following suit. It was going to be a long week.

'I didn't realize she could still have her "time of the month"…' Dumbledore thought to himself as he turned around a corner. Men are truly unrefined in the art of women.


	7. Pick Your Poison

It has been an extremely long week. Operation Stag and Bitch was in full swing, with both James and Lily planning a Winter Wonderland Ball, which had been cleverly devised by Professor McGonagall.

"James, what do you think of this fabric?" Lily asked her comrade, holding up a long panel of soft, silk in a deep plum shade.

"It's pretty, but where do you want it? It's supposed to be winter themed and that's defiantly purple…" James replied. His head was turned to the side, his face holding a definite confused look.

"James, look around you." Lily motioned to the Great Hall which was stunning, with ice crystals dripping from the ceiling, and tall ice sculptures surrounding the whole room. The tables and chairs were already set up, each covered with a soft, shimmering silver fabric. There were large crystal vases on the center of each table holding large bouquets of purple and white lilacs. The floor of the Great Hall had been enchanted to resemble ice, with light purple floral etching carved into it. The Hall was a breathtaking sight, and even though it was a comfortable 72 degrees, it felt chilling to walk in.

"Yeah…" James stated as he looked around as instructed by Lily.

"Do you see purple in here?"

"Yeah…"

"Do you suppose this purple fabric might go with it?"

"Yeah…"

"Exactly as I thought. Men have no decorating abilities…" Lily swiftly turned away from James, her long flowing locks echoing her movements.

Lily left James standing near the entrance as she moved towards the center of the Great Hall, and began to instruct a few house elves to hang her plum panels from the ceiling. James watched from afar, his hazel eyes full of want as he stared. He finally regained consciousness and he drifted over to a corner where several house elves where beginning to set up the punch bowls. 'I have a feeling this punch won't remain virgin for long…'James thought to himself, remembering how mischievous the boys in his house were. They would never miss a chance to spike a punch bowl. The only question would be which poison to pick.

* * *

"Moony, do these robes make me look fat?!" Sirius whined to his best friend, Remus, who was seated on his bed trying to shine his dress shoes.

"Yes." Was the simple reply he gave.

"Oh man!" Sirius exclaimed as he continued to poke and prod himself in front of a large, ornate standing mirror. His gray eyes swelled with worry as he turned in different angles, checking out his attire.

The boys had spent the past week convincing James that his every spare moment needed to be with Lily, planning the ball. While the two future lovebirds planned details of the dance, Sirius and Remus trailed closely behind. Peter had been un-noticeably absent from their latest schemes, but it didn't seem to bother anyone. Rumor has it that Peter had been spending a lot of time in the kitchens of the school, befriending house elves. But then again, it's just a rumor…

It was Saturday, the day of the ball, and the whole school was getting ready. The girls had all awoken before sunrise to begin waxing, washing, curling, straightening, and painting on their make-up for the big dance. This was certainly the social event of the year at Hogwarts, even though the students had less than a week to prepare.

It had been announced Monday morning during breakfast, and almost instantly owls had been sent for their dress robes, and dates were being formed. It seemed to be a frenzy everywhere you looked. The girls were gossiping over hair styles and the boys were fighting over who would ask who to the ball. There hadn't been this much excitement at Hogwarts since, well, since any student could even remember.

The teachers were, however, less than thrilled. No pupil wanted to learn about the Goblin Trials of 1229, the uses of a dragon scale, or which planet was in turmoil this month. The students cared only about the ball, the ball that was only in existence because of two people…

* * *

"Are you suuuure this makes me look fat?!" Sirius continued to whine.

Remus put down his freshly shined dress shoes and sighed. "Sirius, how exactly do dress robes make someone look fat? It's like wearing a fitted tent. You look fine, now stop complaining." Remus stood up, running his long fingers through his golden curls. His soft blue eyes held a sense of mischievousness and he let out a chuckle. "Has anyone talked about spiking the punch yet?"

Sirius met Remus eyes and cocked an eyebrow. "No, my dear friend, I don't believe they have…" Sirius left his spot in front of the mirror, completely forgetting his fashion woes, now only concerned with spiking the beverage of the ball. "Which poison are we picking tonight?"

Remus thought long and hard before giving his reply to his mate. "Vigor Vodka? Romania's finest since 1229! This was the year of the Goblin Trials, truly fasinating! Did you know that the warlocks falsely imprisoned over 1 million goblins?"

Sirius stopped in his tracks. He slowly turned to Remus and said, "You are truly a nerd."

Remus furrowed his brows and stomped past Sirius, reached into his trunk and pulled out a long glass bottle. "Are you ready to go or what?"

Sirius laughed at Remus' obvious anger at his nerd label and followed him out of their dorm room, ready to enter the ball and begin some chaos.

The trek to the Great Hall took barely any time, considering both boys were masters of the corridors and knew every shortcut in the school. With the bottle stashed safely in Sirius' dress robes, the pair entered the exquisite room. The ceiling and floors were both enchanted. The ceiling looked a snowy night sky, with snowflakes and stars dancing together. Rich plum silk panels were delicately strewn from the rafters, shimmering in the candlelight. Tiny tea lights floated around the room, moving with the music of the violins. The floor of the hall was enchanted to resemble an ice skating rink, with a purple floral pattern etched on it. You were instantly tempted to see if you slide on the smooth floor. The sides of the Great Hall were lined with large, intricate ice sculptures, all resembling important magical figures throughout history. There were dozens of tables set up with matching chairs, each draped in a smooth silver fabric. Crystal vases stood tall in the center of the tables, all containing beautiful flowers. This was more than either young Marauder expected from less than a week of planning.

"Damn."

"Bloody hell, if I wasn't such a manly man, I might actually cry…"

Remus looked over at Sirius, mouth open, but no words could escape. He dismissed this and headed straight towards the punch bowl, leaving his emotional friend behind. He slid his wand out from his sleeve, whispering a spell to cancel the protection spell on the punch bowl. He was a pro at this, after all the boys spent years spiking punch bowls and lemonade pitchers. Sirius finally joined him and quickly poured the liquor into the bowl. They shared a grin before exiting the hall, off the pick up their dates.

"We did it!" Lily exclaimed happily to James, who was standing right beside her in the entrance of the Great Hall.

"Yeah, yeah we did! It looks really amazing in here!" James replied, smiling at the red-head to his right.

"Well I'm going to get ready; I'll see you at 7 James." Lily said to James and then disappeared from the hall.

"I should go too." James whispered aloud to no one in particular. He left shortly after Lily making his way to his room, preparing himself for night. For James Potter, this wasn't any ball, this was the ball he was asking Lily Evans to be his girlfriend.


	8. Girls are OldFashioned

On opposite sides of the castle known as Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, two people were thinking the exact same thing.

Lily Evans was thinking of how excited she was for the Winter Wonderland Ball, which she had planned with the infamous James Potter. She was ecstatic for reasons much more superficial than just for a dance. Not only did she have a gorgeous dress, but also a gorgeous date. Yes, gorgeous. Lily never thought she would admit it, but she found the leader of the Marauders gorgeous. His deep hazel eyes and soft black hair were mystifying to her, always putting her into a spell when she caught sight of them. Lily Evans was excited for the ball, and dancing was the last thing on her mind.

James Potter was also thinking of how excited he was for the Winter Wonderland Ball, which he had planned (and by planned he means watching Lily do everything herself and he occasionally nodding along to whatever she was saying) with Lily Evans, the most beautiful creature James had ever laid eyes on. She was a tall drink of water as far as James was concerned. Her green eyes often danced in the light, sparkling with more shades of emerald he thought possible. Lily's long red hair fell over her shoulders like a waterfall, moving and swaying to the rhythm of her steps. James was excited for this ball, and dancing had yet to cross his mind.

Just as two people in the castle can be thinking the very same thing, two people in the castle can be thinking quite the opposite.

Remus Lupin had been excited for the dance, he really had. He had shiny dress shoes, snazzy robes, a great hair style, and he had even spiked the punch bowl for Merlin's sake. So as he approached the girl's dormitory, he couldn't figure out why he dreading the evening so much. Then it hit him like a ton of bricks. Remus had nearly forgotten who his date was.

Marlene McKinnon was beside herself. She paced back and forth in front of her four poster bed, nearly tripping over her brand new satin dancing shoes. Marlene's pale blue eyes were brimmed with tears as she swept her copper curls out of her sight. She was excited for tonight, she really was. Remus was a great guy and ever since he nearly threw himself out a window they had been pretty close. When news of the ball broke, she instantly thought to invite him. She asked and he accepted and she was really thrilled, that was until she realized how little they had in common. Their conversations were blah and short, rarely lasting more than a few minutes. She was now dreading having to spend an entire evening with him, and now dancing seemed like the last thing she wanted to do on this green earth…

While there was excitement and nerves throughout Hogwarts, no one was more excited or nervous as a certain Marauder.

Sirius Black was nearly bubbling over with anticipation. It had taken him every ounce of manliness he contained in order to even ask Remus to ask Elizabeth Farr to the ball for him. As Sirius' reward for helping out with Operation Stag and Bitch, he was guaranteed a date with the petite brunette. So when they heard of the ball, Sirius knew it was time to cash in on his prize. Remus had asked Elizabeth to the ball for Sirius almost as soon as the news had spread to the students. Despite being asked by his friend, she accepted. Sirius nearly died upon hearing the news. He was frantic the day of the ball, making sure everything was perfect for the dance. After having a few cupfuls of the punch, he was certain he would be able to have the time of his life at this ball. However, considering this was no ordinary punch, Sirius hadn't really counted on not being able to walk properly, let alone dance.

Elizabeth was standing in front of her mirror staring at her reflection. She was fairly sure she looked decent enough to be escorted to the ball by Sirius 'Sex God' Black. There was no pressure for tonight, no pressure at all. Elizabeth laughed to herself. There was a ton of pressure and she knew it. Every girl in Hogwarts would kill for a date with Sirius and here she was, his date for a ball. Almost instantly after becoming his date she was bombarded with questions and comments, any of which were rarely nice. She was frustrated and completely ready for this day to end. The last thing on her mind was dancing, in fact, she wasn't even sure she wanted to dance.

Sirius, Remus, and James all met each other on their way to pick up the dates of the evening. Each Marauder was wearing a simple set of black and white dress robes, looking very classic and handsome. The one thing that set them each apart from one another was their shoes, each boy having his one distinct pair. Remus was wearing his freshly shined dress shoes, completing his classic look. Sirius had a pair of black and white Converses, worn in by weeks and weeks of wear and tear. James had a pair of black Quidditch boots, scuffed up a bit, obviously worn in a few matches. The trio neared the girl's dorms, and the rhythm of their heartbeats increased, some in excitement, others in dread.

Lily was the first to appear. James nearly fainted after seeing her. Her long red hair was left down, but curled into soft waves. She was wearing a deep green, cap sleeve, charmeause gown. Her necklace was made of simple pearls and matching earrings. She was breath taking with her understated beauty. She met James at the bottom of the steps and they walked out together.

Marlene was next. Remus' heart fluttered after she appeared, forgetting how un-thrilled he had been earlier. Her copper curls were pulled back into a bun, a few left out to frame her face. She had a black ribbon headband on, adding a touch of elegance to her hairstyle. She was wearing a strapless black silk dress, making her look longer and leaner than usual. She only had on a pair of diamond drop earrings, completing the outfit. Remus offered Marlene his arm, which she graciously accepted.

Elizabeth was the last to leave her room, making Sirius even more anxious than he was to begin with. As she walked out, Sirius couldn't help but whistle. Elizabeth giggled and made her way down the steps. She had a vintage red flapper dress on that came only to her knees. Her shoulder length brown hair have been curled and waved to look like she was really a dirty 30's flapper girl. She even painted her lips red to complete the ensemble. Sirius grabbed her hand as soon as she made it off the last step and lead her out of the common room, more excited than ever for the ball.

* * *

As the pairs entered the Great Hall, there was no doubt they were surprised. With widened eyes and open mouths they walked through the threshold, greeted with an amazing sight. The entire castle was in the Hall, all twirling and whirling around. The group all nodded to one another in unison and headed straight to the dance floor. Although most weren't thinking of dancing, they were going to do it anyways. How could they be the only ones at Hogwarts who didn't?

The first complete song to play was a popular Muggle song that had somehow managed to leak into the Wizarding community.

_Darling if you want me to be closer to you_

_Get closer to me_

_Darling if you want me to be closer to you_

_Get closer to me_

_Darling if you want me to love, love only you_

_Then love only me_

_Darling if you want me to see, see only you_

_Then see only me_

_There's a line that I can't cross over_

_It's no good for me and it's no good for you_

_And that feeling deep down inside me_

_I can't explain it and you're wondering why_

_You say we been like strangers_

_But I'm not the others you can hang by your fingers_

_Darling if you want me to be closer to you_

_Get closer to me_

_Darling if you want me to be closer to you_

_Get closer to me_

_Darling if you want me to love, love only you_

_Then love only me_

_Darling if you want me to see, see only you_

_Then see only me_

_There was a time I would come running_

_Drop everything for the touch of your hand in mine_

_And I can't go on living_

_Wondering if you'll be here tomorrow_

_People change and you're changing_

_And I've given you my all _

_That no one can borrow_

_Darling if you want me to be closer to you_

_Get closer to me_

_Darling if you want me to be closer to you_

_Get closer to me_

_Darling if you want me to be closer to you_

_Get closer to me..._

The couples were all swaying together now, each tightly wrapped around the other. James' face was flush, matching the color of his partner's hair. Lily's face was also bright, but she buried her face in his robes, hiding the color from sight. James and Lily continued to dance with each other, even after the remaining members of the group had vanished from the floor.

Several feet away sat Remus, Marlene, Elizabeth and Sirius, all staring at the pair left on the dance floor. The girls had their shoes off, dangling off their chairs. The boys had loosened their collars and were slouched in their seats.

"How can they still be dancing?!" Marlene asked, clearing shocked at the dancing marathon being performed by the wannabe couple.

"Don't ask me, I wouldn't be able to survive that long. My feet are killing me!" Elizabeth replied to her friend. She turned her attention towards Remus, "When is your friend going to ask her out. We've all been waiting for _ages _for him to!"

"Who knows? Why doesn't she just ask him then? It takes two to tango." Remus replied to the short brunette, equally frustrated as she was.

"Oh please! A girl can't ask out a boy! That's just so, so, so wrong!" She gasped.

"Girls, they're all so old-fashioned…"

* * *

A/N: The song is from the year that the Marauders would have been 6th years. Yes I'm a nerd. It's called Get Closer by Seals & Crofts. I've never actually listened to it, just kinda liked the lyrics. But anywho! The end is very near for this little story.

* * *


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